We live in an era where people are constantly talking, talking, talking. Unfortunately, it seems that the abilities to string together a proper sentence and to understand a proper sentence are disappearing faster than a kid half my age can send a text. Case in point: I went into my local McDonald’s last night to pick up the latest My Little Pony Happy Meal toy (yes, I’m a brony). I said to the girl behind the counter, with a smile on my face, “May I inquire as to which of the My Little Pony toys you currently have?” Her face twisted up as if I had physically assaulted her and she said, “I’m sorry?” Resisting the urge to bang my head against the counter, I dumbed it down and said, “Which of the pony toys do you have?”
There is no excuse for poor language skills in real life, just as there is no excuse for it in writing. Nothing can kill a story for me quicker than dialogue that has me rolling my eyes. Except maybe bad characters (but that’s another blog post).
The old axiom holds true – if you read a sentence of dialogue out loud and it sounds bad, change it. I don’t think enough writers do this. Hearing it in your head and hearing it out loud are two different things. When said in an actual, audible way there are a myriad of things that make the sentence different from when the words are read.
One of my favorite authors for dialogue – and indeed one of my favorite authors of all time – is David Eddings, the author of “The Belgariad”. Eddings had a masterful way with dialogue, and with writing in general. His characters spoke to each other in such a manner that it felt as if I were listening to some of my friends talking with each other. It was natural, it was simple, and it was intelligent.
On the other hand, one of the worst writers of dialogue I have ever come across is Dan Brown. When I read “The Da Vinci Code” I lost count of how many times I flinched or rolled my eyes or shook my head when reading a conversation. I even once or twice said out loud to my wife, “Nobody talks like that!” It took me out of the story (which, despite his poor handling of dialogue and characters, was somewhat enjoyable), which a writer should never do.
Overly slang-filled dialogue, purple prose, unintentionally bad grammar – these things are all easy to avoid if you take careful steps. Listen to the people around you. Listen to yourself when you talk to other people. Know your characters and how they should talk (and what they should say). If it’s not worth saying, don’t write it down.
In the words of Canadian TV star Red Green, “If you don’t have something to say, stop talking!”
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